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Free advice for the masses!
From the Psychotic Advisor's Mailbag.
Osama Spotted in Local Coffee Shop on May 2nd
The day after he was shot and killed by US Navy Seals !
From the Psychotic Advisor's mailbag:
Dear Psychotic Advisor,
I have a dilemma. Well actually it's a friend of mine. Yeah that's it. A friend of mine
is the most powerful person in the free world and he has a body to dispose of. Well... wait let me back up. Okay, if (hypothetically
speaking) my friend had a body to dispose of, and it was kind of... you know... uncomfortable for him. Like let's just say
I'm writing this novel okay? It's like a Tom Clancy kind of thing alright... full of international intrigue and stuff. And
like... the main character has a body in the basement. Let's say this body has been there for like... a while. Maybe he died
of natural causes, maybe he didn't. So anyway, like now, see... my friend has to get rid of it, because it's starting to stink
up the Oval Off... I mean, the living room, yeah. And so I'm trying to figure out a way... I mean my friend is trying to figure
out a way to uh... you know. Dump the stiff.
In the most discrete way possible. Without arousing too much suspicion.
Well I mean... that's the plot of the uh... novel.
So what would you suggest?
Thanks,
Your friend,
Bary
Dear Bary,
Three words for you.
Burial at sea.
-The Psychotic Advisor
July 4th, 2009
The Psychotic Advisor Advises the President!
 Psychotic --
This weekend, our family will join millions of others in celebrating America. We will enjoy
the glow of fireworks, the taste of barbeque, and the company of good friends. As we all celebrate this weekend, let's also
remember the remarkable story that led to this day.
Two hundred and thirty-three years ago, our nation was born when a courageous group of patriots
pledged their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to the proposition that all of us were created equal.
Our country began as a unique experiment in liberty -- a bold, evolving quest to achieve a
more perfect union. And in every generation, another courageous group of patriots has taken us one step closer to fully realizing
the dream our founders enshrined on that great day.
Today, all Americans have a hard-fought birthright to a freedom which enables each of us,
no matter our views or background, to help set our nation's course. America's greatness has always depended on her citizens
embracing that freedom -- and fulfilling the duty that comes with it.
As free people, we must each take the challenges and opportunities that face this nation as
our own. As long as some Americans still must struggle, none of us can be fully content. And as America comes ever closer
to achieving the perfect Union our founders dreamed, that triumph -- that pride -- belongs to all of us.
So today is a day to reflect on our independence, and the sacrifice of our troops standing
in harm's way to preserve and protect it. It is a day to celebrate all that America is. And today is a time to aspire toward
all we can still become.
With very best wishes,
President Barack Obama
July 4th, 2009
P.S. -- Our nation's birthday is also an ideal time to consider serving in your local
community. You can find many great ideas for service opportunities near you at http://www.serve.gov.
Dear Mr. President,
Thank you so much for this Independence Day greeting. It means alot to
me. Let me extend my warmest wishes to you and your family as well, and assure you that I am indeed keeping our independence
firmly in mind, that I am doing what I can to support our troops both at home and abroad, and volunteering in my community
to the best of my ability.
Let me also urge you to consider making a new commitment to United States independence,
by exploring new ways and means to harvest and distribute energy, by engaging in new, exciting and better models to improve
education for both our youth, and our adult population, and perhaps most importantly, to restore the United
States sovereignty by taking advantage of our constitutional right to print and distribute United States currency without
depending on the high interest loans of the World Bank or the Federal Reserve. It is this arcane system of money mismanagement
that has enslaved us and brought us to the brink of ruin. Without seizing control of our own vital resources, and protecting
our country from the greed of globalists, our beautiful country will fall prey to the evil forces of bankers and bean counters.
Show your support of independence, Mr. President, by sending the strongest message a President could possibly
send. Send the message that greed is not good, when it is at the expense of those less fortunate. Send the message
that the people of the United States will not stand by and idly accept becoming wage slaves for the elite, or worse, suffer
from abject poverty in the face of outrageously rampant unemployment. Let the World Bank know that (as Howard Beale so succinctly
voiced in Network) we're mad as hell, and we're not going to take it anymore! Show us your independence, Mr. President,
and start the printing presses rolling!
Enjoy your Fourth of July celebration, and know that I support
you.
Sincerest regards,
The Psychotic Advisor
Update: The Psychotic Advisor advises the research director of the Democratic Party
Psychotic --
With Congress's August recess now under way, Republican members of Congress are starting
to show up at Tea Party events and campaign rallies all over the country.
We saw last year during the fight for health
reform that this is a time when the extremists run rampant. Remember "death panels?"
This year, Republicans are looking
to have it both ways, trying to appeal to independent voters while making promises to the Tea Party crowd to pursue an extreme
right-wing agenda if they regain control of Congress.
Who knows what's being said when the cameras aren't running? We don't
-- but I sure wish we did.
That's where the "Accountability Project" comes in. It's a platform for citizens to document
Republican candidates and their public statements at local events, as well as their campaign tactics.
The Accountability
Project allows you to submit videos, recordings, and other items for publication online, so that candidates see that there's
a cost to their dishonest statements -- and so that everyday citizens can see what their Republican candidates for office
are saying.
We need people like you to take the lead. Sign up today to be a part of the Accountability Project here.
The
American people deserve an honest debate -- and far too often, candidates try to make misleading attacks and false claims
under the radar.
This project seeks to shine a light on those practices, and you have a crucial role to play in making
it happen.
There are several ways in which folks can participate:
-- If you have anything that can record video
-- from a cell phone to a video camera -- you can go to public events and record what candidates say.
-- If you
receive any sort of mailings or literature from candidates, you can post them online for all to see.
-- And if you
hear of any upcoming public events for Republican candidates in your area, you can let everyone know, so that other concerned
citizens can get out there.
This project will enable folks to keep track of Republican candidates running for every office,
up and down the ballot.
Please help fight back against Republicans' shadowy tactics -- participate in The Accountability
Project:
http://my.democrats.org/APsignupThanks,
Shauna
Shauna Daly
Research Director
Democratic National Committee
Dear Shauna,
So basically you're asking us to spy on Republican politicians, right? I happen
to believe in the Republic as a political philosophy, and I am extremely disillusioned and dismayed by those absurdist politicians
who claim to be Republicans but who are actually in league with the Globalists. They give genuine Republicans a bad reputation
and put a sinister face on the very reasonable Republican political philosophy. So count me in! Can you send me some really
cool spy gear? Maybe a digital audio recording pen and some concealable cameras? I could also use a stipend and a business
expense account so I can afford to travel to and from these Tea Party rallies and Republican conclaves. I'm thinking about
thirty thousand dollars a year ought to cover most of my expenses. I'll dig up some really good dirt for thirty grand a year.
I do have some experience as an investigative journalist so I think I'm exactly the right man for the job. Please get in touch
and let me know when I can get started. I hear the Bohemian Grove is a good place to infiltrate, but I think they already
had their Cremation of Care ceremony this year and have already offered their sacrifice to Moloch. I could take a friend of
mine who specializes in crime scene investigation. Maybe we can find a bone fragment or two. That would be great wouldn't
it? Let me know what you think. I'm really looking forward to it because I hate my job and want to quit as soon as possible.
Sincerest regards,
The Psychotic Advisor
P.S. You know Richard Nixon allegedly went to one of those Bohemian Grove
functions and reportedly said it was the "faggiest godd***ed thing you ever saw." Here's another curious side note; Puzzle
master Will Shortz was telling Liane Hansen on NPR he was invited there to be a guest speaker. He seemed to relish the idea
that he was invited, but couldn't talk about it. Nonetheless, he announced it to the whole world on NPR. Ironic, isn't it?
Q
Dear Psychotic Advisor,
Please help me. I am a boring person. I graduated from Dulles High
School and then moved to Duluth. Everybody I know has something to talk about except me. I don't go to parties because even
if somebody actually did invite me, I would never think of anything to say. How can I learn to become a fascinating conversationalist
like you?
Sincerely, The Dullard in Duluth.
A
Dear Double Dull,
Fear not for there is hope. Even the Psychotic Advisor was once a dull and boring person. There are many resources
out there to help, including some fine books by Dale Carnegie and Earl Nightengale. However, I'm going to let you in on a
little secret that has not yet been introduced to the public. The Psychotic Advisor Command Center is now ready for Beta Testing,
and you will be our first victim! (I mean beta tester.) You can access the Command Center from anywhere on the Psychotic Advisor
website, just by scrolling to the bottom of the page and clicking on the little c with the circle around it in our copyright.
That's right, it's been hiding there in plain sight this whole time. Most people just aren't that observant, and those who
are should be prime candidates for recruitment into the Psychotic Observation League. Our writing staff and the Psychotic
Advisor himself use the Command Center as a home page and reference library, because it puts you right in the center of the
internet, keeping your finger on the pulse of the entire planet. It is now available to the average user, free of charge.
(Just another public service of the Psychotic Advisor Media Empire. You are under no obligation to send feedback information,
but we would love to hear from you just to see how you're doing and if you can think of ways we might improve the Command
Center.) By visiting just a few sites from the Command Center each day, your head will be so full of information your brain
might explode. Then you'll have plenty to talk about! Now get back to those parties!
Sincerely, The Psychotic Advisor
Recently the Psychotic Advisor received
an important email that has touched him deeply, has tugged at his heartstrings, and is extremely relevant to an issue he feels
very strongly about:
Dear Sir,
I am a mental health care professional who has been
working as an advocate for mentally handicapped people for many years. The reason I am writing to you is because I have come
across your web site, and I take offense at your use of the term psychotic in promoting the site and other media. I would
like to implore you to stop making fun of handicapped individuals in this manner. Mental illness, including psychosis, is
not a laughing matter, and you should not use the term in such a derogatory and belittling way. Although what you are doing
is not against the law, it should be, because it is a type of hate crime directed at a portion of the population who may not
have the means to defend themselves. You would not make fun of other types of handicaps, so please cease any further references
to mental illness in your literature and stop the unfair ridicule of these people.
Sincerely,
Dr. Lauren Vitrayal, Phd
Coalition
for Fair Minded Treatment of the Mentally Challenged.
The Psychotic Advisor's reponse:
Dear Dr. Vitrayal,
Many thanks for bringing up this delicate and worthy issue. The world would be a better place if there
were more compassionate people who, like yourself, stand up for what they believe, and who defend the downtrodden as you have
done.
I must disagree with you on several points however, and I will respectfully address each one. Please do
not view these disagreements as an attack on your integrity or an assault of your character. I wholeheartedly believe you
are a good person, with your heart in the right place, and you have been kind enough to question my motives in a reasonable
and civilized tone. I commend you for your opinion. With that in mind, please allow me to give you some information that might
enlighten you.
First, I never make fun of mentally handicapped people. On the contrary. I only make fun of the so-called
normal people in our society. I hold mentally challenged individuals, including myself, in high esteem. I take my Psychosis
very seriously. I believe Psychosis is a gift from God. Here's something to ponder: Psychosis cannot be taught, but it can
be learned. I am proud to say, I might have been born this way, but I think for the most part, it was a learned behavior.
They don't call it "touched" for nothing. In olden times, Psychotic people were called "touched," and this implied "touched
in the head by the Hand of God!" I feel as though I am one of the Chosen. Hand selected by a Higher Authority to view life
through a different lens.
You might have read on my web site that I have never been diagnosed by any medical professional as a true
Psychotic. This isn't because I am not truly Psychotic. This is because I have absolutely no desire to seek a cure.
Look around you at at all the people who suffer through the mundane, dreary existence of their pretentious so-called sanity.
Do you really think their world is sane?
Do you honestly think I would want to live like that? No, I tell you, not in a million years! So with
all due respect to your profession, please keep your Prozac, your Xanex, your Valiums, your Thorazine, your Lithium and Librium,
your Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors, and any other passion-numbing chemicals you might have in your entire pharmacopia, keep
them all I say, and allow me to experience the full range of my emotions, whether they be up or down, happy or depressed.
Let me revel in my delusions and my dementia; let me dwell in the land of flights of fancy and aberrations. This is where
I feel most at home.
I embrace my Psychosis. I wear it proudly like a badge of honor. I have lived a long and sometimes difficult
life, so I have earned it as one of my basic human rights.
Let me ask you this question: What legacy do sane people leave behind? None. The greatest contributions
to Science, Culture and Human Evolution have been left, not by the sane and rational, but by the deranged and dysfunctional.
In my so-called illness, I stand shoulder to shoulder with the greatest minds of all time; Sigmund Freud, Nikola Tesla, Jonathan
Winters. These and others like them are my heroes! They are Pioneers of Psychosis! They have paved the way for me because
they have forged ahead through the wilderness of wackiness.
In reference to my literature, you may call it what you will, whether it be ridicule, derision, disdain,
mockery, insult, contempt, or derogatory hate speech, but nothing could be further from the truth. It is honor, and reverence,
and pride. I treat my fellow Psychotics with veneration. I applaud them.
So to summarize, Dr. Vitrayal, please let me say this for the record: Yes I'm Crazy, and I'm DAMN proud
of it too!
Sincerely,
The Psychotic Advisor
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